Today in Baseball, As Told by “The Office”

Maybe I watch too much of The Office. Maybe I obsess too much about baseball. Maybe the two are getting jumbled in my mind, but as I have been scrolling the internets for baseball news today, everything I’ve seen reminds me of something from one of the greatest shows in history. (Second only to The Golden Girls. Fight me.)

Blue Jays catcher Reese Maguire arrested last week for exposing his.. uh.. Reese’s pieces.

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Maguire was arrested for misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs when he was discovered to be masturbating while watching some phone porn in a Dollar Tree parking lot in Dunedin, Florida.

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A witness called to complain, and when the cops showed up, Maguire was in his Mercedes, his sweatpants were around his ankles, and he was.. um… tending to his needs.

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When instructed to pull up his pants and get out of the car, Maguire was extremely apologetic and embarrassed. He didn’t say why he chose a busy parking lot, midday on a Friday, where he would have obviously been noticed. He is due back in court on March 16.

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MLB lays out some new rules for the 2020 season

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Yesterday, MLB laid out a few new rules that will go in effect at the beginning of Spring Training.

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  • Implementing a three-batter minimum for a pitcher. A pitcher has to go up against at least three men or to the end of an inning before being pulled out of a game. In other words, no more one-and-done in-and-outs.

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(I HAD to use “that’s what she said” somehow. Had to.)

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  • Expanding the roster from 25 to 26 until September, with a max of 13 pitchers, and can have a 27th man for special circumstances like a doubleheader
  • Limiting September rosters to just 28 rather than 40, with a 14 pitcher max

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  • A “two-way” player designation that allows for a team to carry a position player that can pitch without counting against the 13 (14) pitcher maximum

The term “two-way player” immediately made me think of a tuxedoed Jim Halpert explaining a two-way petting zoo to Charles Miner. (Miner? I hardly knew her!)

  • Position players can only pitch in a game if their team is down by six or more runs, or if it’s after the ninth inning
  • Pitchers can no longer return to the active list in 10 days if they’re on the IL. They must wait 15 days before returning, but position players can still come back in 10.
  • Managers now only have 20 seconds to ask for a review, rather than the 30 seconds as they previously had.

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Astros Finally Address the Media About the Sign Stealing Scandal

This morning, we finally heard from some of the big names on the Astros roster regarding the sign stealing scandal. Alex Bregman, Jose Altuve, owner Jim Crane, and new manager Dusty Baker have finally addressed the media, stating their regrets.

Or, to sum up their words:

The media has been all over the Astros today. Justin Verlander also stated his remorse over not putting a stop to what was going on when he joined the team mid-season. Carlos Correa emphatically denied the use of buzzers.

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I know the consensus is to hate the Astros now, but Goddammit I just cannot stay mad at Bregman, Altuve, or Springer. Over the last few seasons, I’ve grown to love them. Ugh.

Though not everyone is ready to let it go. Gary Sanchez and Aroldis Chapman are bringing attention to how ‘suspicious’ Altuve’s shirt grab was during his monster walk off home run in the ALCS in 2019.

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Personally, I’m kind of tired about writing about the sign stealing scandal. Unless there’s new information regarding other teams involved, can we just move on now?

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We’ve Got a Woman in Baseball!

Alyssa Nakken is made her uniformed debut with the Giants as the first female coach in MLB history!

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For those of us who grew up adoring the movie “A League of Their Own” and loving the game of baseball, it hits us right in the feels to have a girl out on that field right now.

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Proposed Playoff Changes

Remember the other day when I wrote about the proposed changes to the playoff format that Rob Manfred and MLB thought might be a good idea? Well, I also posted it over at my new vacation home, Twinkie Town, and y’all have some thoughts.

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The consensus is that we don’t need to add four more teams to the mix, and that elongating the postseason would be a money grab and nothing more. Sure, some people are into it, as it gives those teams that are finishing 5th – 7th place in the league some hope, and something to play for.

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For the most part, however? People are just saying that teams should win their damn divisions.

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So there you have it. Today in baseball, as summed up by some of our favorite characters of all time. I’m really wishing there had been a use for Kevin’s chili. Oh well. Maybe next time.

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What say you, readers? Leave a comment below.